Messages from the Afterlife

GONE, BUT NOT GONE

Chris had always told me he would never leave home or leave me behind, that he would always take care of me. He was going to make sure that neither I nor his dad would ever be in an old folks' home. Now he was gone. Why? They could not give us a reason for his death. His death certificate read the cause of death "unknown" until August of 2003. They finally amended it to read "Cardiomegaly with left ventricular hypertrophy." Basically, he had a hole in the left ventricle of his heart that gave out, causing a massive heart attack. So they say.

In April, 2003 we had a memorial birthday gathering for him. Almost all of his friends were able to make the event. None of them will ever be able to forget that day. We had a tape that Chris and his band had made the summer before his death. I decided to have the band members play with the tape in tribute and memory of Chris. I thought it would be like having him there with us again.

I was both surprised and happy that he made an appearance for the crowd.

We put the tape in and pressed play, the band started playing with the tape. As Christopher's voice sang on the player, that's when it started: first it was just a blink of a light, then a few lights blinked in unison. Then it spread to the rest of the house. Every light, TV, computer, stereo in the house was not only blinking on and off, but going on and off at different, random times. Then suddenly it all went dark.

"He's here," I said. "Chris is with us!" All the kids there snickered nervously. One of them said jokingly, "Chris, if it's really you, turn the lights back...!" Every light in the house roared to life, before he could utter the word "on". Seventeen young people went running out my front door. Party over. Not too many of them want to come over and visit too often anymore, but some still call to keep in touch.

A VISIT WITH CHRIS

A week from that day, I had a dream (that's what I call it), where I was riding on a road up a mountainside. I experienced wonder at why I was on the mountain in the first place. I did not know anyone who lived in the mountains, but the vehicle continued up the mountainside. I wasn't driving the vehicle, but I never saw anyone driving, nor were any words spoken. I don't know what type of vehicle it was. Then it turned off the road and came to a stop in front of a nice wood log cabin. It had a wrap-around porch and seemed very well maintained. I remember looking down and reaching for the door handle and opening the door. I just knew that I was at my destination.

Keeping my eyes on the cabin's door, I stepped out and without looking, shut the door behind me. I experienced bewilderment, still trying to figure it out. When the front door flew open, out walked my baby, Christopher! I screamed his name out loud and started running toward the cabin steps as Chris ran toward me. I literally jumped into his arms and hugged him crying, kissing him, touching him. I couldn't believe it was him. He laughed, then we cried as we held on to each other tightly.

He guided me inside the cabin. It was very nice, not overly done, no electronics, and I could see his room in back. I told him how much I missed him, how we all missed him. How it was all a mistake, how we wanted him to come home. He hugged me tight. "It wasn't anyone's fault," he said. "There was nothing you could do, Mom."

He assured me that he was fine - lonesome, but fine. He told me he missed his brother, sister, me and dad, and the nieces and nephews that he loved so much. And he gave me a message to give to his friends: He will be waiting for them and us and he is okay. I told him I wasn't going back. I was going to stay with him. I grabbed him tightly and told him I was never turning him loose, ever. I wasn't about to lose him again!

It went dark, like someone turned off the light. I felt vibrations. My whole body seemed to be violently shaking back and forth. Christopher and his cabin were now gone lost in darkness. Then I heard, faintly at first, someone shouting my name, a voice in the dark crying out, "Where are you? Where have you gone?" The shaking became more violent, and I realized that someone was shaking me back and forth. The voice was getting louder. Finally I recognized the voice. It was my husband.

"Open your eyes, baby!" he shouted. "Breathe, baby, breathe!" I felt a slap. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I was back in my home. I burst into tears. He grabbed me sobbing, "Where have you been? Where did you go?" I was so overwrought and crying so hard, I whispered, "I was with Christopher!" I had lost him again. My husband had awakened at 2 a.m., went to the bathroom and when he returned he had noticed that I was unusually quiet for sleeping. He listened to me and could hear nothing. When he tried to wake me, there was no response. He had started shaking me to wake me up. He said he thought it took him 5-10 minutes before I opened my eyes.